


Honesty Is All About The Timing

by NavajoLovesDestiel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Bisexual Dean Winchester, Childhood Friends, Drunk Blow Jobs, Gay Castiel (Supernatural), Happy Ending, M/M, Misunderstandings, Secrets, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-09
Updated: 2019-07-09
Packaged: 2020-06-25 07:21:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 12,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19740904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NavajoLovesDestiel/pseuds/NavajoLovesDestiel
Summary: Cas Novak and Dean Winchester were inseparable best friends since grade school, but Dean's father moves Dean away when they get to high school. They connect again in college, but neither of them have been exactly honest about their sexual orientation. Not using their words leads to misunderstandings, then problems, then...?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Dean & Castiel Mini Bang 2019  
> I want to thank my wonderful artist, shealynn88! Besides the rocking banner, she made an amazing graphic that is featured in chapter 10.   
> Also need to thank my beta, maimalfoi87! Couldn't do it without her.

[Link to Art](https://shealynn88.tumblr.com/)

Castiel was the new kid in school. He clutched his book to his chest and tried to be invisible. It never worked and it didn’t work this time.

He hated second grade.

A much bigger boy stood in his way.

“Hey, look at the nerd!”

Castiel cringed. 

“He’s scared of his own shadow. Hey kid, what cha got there?”

The boy knocked Castiel’s book out of his hand.

“N-nothing…”

The boy laughed and pushed Castiel down.

Before he knew what was happening, another boy got between him and the bully.

“Leave him alone, Rufus!”

Rufus stood tall in front of the boy.

“Stay outta this, Winchester. It ain’t got nothing to do with you.”

The boy named Winchester had his hands balled up in fists.

“I said leave him alone, or I’ll punch you in the nose!”

Rufus laughed, and the boy punched him square in the nose.

Rufus yowled and his nose began to bleed. The boy who hit him turned to Castiel and held out a hand to help him up. Castiel let himself be pulled to his feet.

“Are you okay?” Castiel looked at his palms, which were scraped but not that bad, and then he looked down at his knees. One of his pant legs was torn and there was a little blood.

“My mom’s gonna kill me for tearing my pants.” Castiel looked at the boy with a worried frown.

“She should understand that it wasn’t your fault.”

Castiel shook his head. “She won’t. My name is Castiel. Thank you for helping me.”

The boy grinned. “It’s okay, I hate Rufus, he’s just a bully. And my name is Dean.”

Just then a teacher stormed up. “Exactly how did Rufus get a bloody nose, young man?”

Castiel spoke up. “He saved me from Rufus! Look at my pants!”

The teacher looked, and she looked at Castiel’s hands too. “Come with me, young man. We need the nurse to look at you.”

Castiel looked back at Dean while the teacher led him away. He mouthed, ‘Thank you!’ Dean gave him a thumbs up.

Castiel was given a couple of bandaids and deemed fine and he went to his class. When he looked around, he saw Dean. Dean grinned and motioned him to a desk next to his. Castiel went and sat down with a smile.

Dean walked Castiel home, overjoyed to find out that Castiel lived just a few houses down from him, and explained to Castiel’s mother what had happened to Castiel’s pants. She didn’t get mad.

From that day on they were inseparable. They played together, ate lunch together, had sleepovers and spent all day every day of summer vacations together.

Dean called Castiel ‘Cas’ and he was the only one who was allowed to. They held hands when they walked home from school together, laughing and whispering secrets in each other’s ears.

This continued all through grade school. When they got to middle school, they only had two classes together but still ate lunch together every day, and still walked home together.

Dean was fiercely protective of Cas. When some knucklehead called Cas a faggot, Dean beat him up and got a week’s suspension. He assured Cas it was worth it. Cas felt terrible and missed Dean every day he had to stay home.

They even managed to get sick at the same time. When they were both home with the flu, they talked all day on the phone, with time outs to throw up. 

Castiel helped Dean with his homework; Dean helped Cas with his social skills. Cas was shy, unless he was with Dean. Dean had a lot of friends and every one of them was expected to like Cas too. They did, or Dean would ditch them. They ended up with a core group of three that made the cut: Jesse, a goofy kid named Garth and Meg, a girl who combined being a nerd perfectly with being a tomboy.

But at the core, it was still just Dean and Cas. They knew they’d always be friends.

But then, in the summer before they were going to start high school, Dean’s father got a job in another town, and told Dean they were moving.

Dean was devastated, and when he told Cas, Cas cried. They swore they’d stay in touch. They’d write, they’d call each other, and they would visit over the summers.

Cas stood on the sidewalk and watched Dean be driven away with his father and his little brother. Dean looked back at him as long as possible. Cas waved and Dean did too. Then Cas went home and shut himself in his room. 

They did keep in touch. The summer visits didn’t happen, but they wrote each other every week. The letters got less and less personal, more like the things that happened to each of them during the week, how school was going, things like that. But they wrote faithfully.

The years drug on, and at last, they graduated. They applied to the same college, and both were accepted. 

Cas was standing in line at the bookstore, nervously looking over the list of books he’d need. He still needed to find his dorm and his room. He had been told he had a roommate named Balthazar Blackwell. Who named their kid Balthazar?

The line wasn’t moving at all. Cas tamped down his irritation and looked around. The place was packed with students, all trying to get their books just like he was.

He felt a touch on his shoulder and whirled around. He was staring into green eyes and freckles.

“Dean!” Cas threw his arms around his friend, and Dean hugged him back.

Cas stood back and looked his friend over. He’d gotten tall, taller than Cas even. He had to be a good six foot two. And he looked great.

“So, Cas. waiting for books too?”

Cas laughed. “Yeah, I am. What dorm are you in?”

Dean smiled. “I’m in Franklin Hall. You?”

“Bushnell. We’re right next door to each other if I read the map right.”

Dean looked back at the line. “I’d better get back to my spot. Someone is saving my place.”

Cas nodded. “Can we get together later? Maybe get something to eat?”

Dean nodded. “I’d like that! I’ll text you when I get out of here.”

Just then, it was Cas’ turn. Dean clapped him on the shoulder and went back to his place in line, and Cas got caught up in choosing books.


	2. Chapter 2

Cas found his dorm room and opened the door to find a tall, thin blonde guy unpacking. The guy turned and smiled.

“You must be Castiel! I’m Balthazar.”

Cas shook his hand. British, that explained the name.

Cas had left his stuff in the room before he went to the bookstore, so he walked to the bed and began to unpack. 

“Want to get dinner later?” Balthazar was grinning at him.

Cas shook his head. “Thanks, but I can’t. I’m meeting an old friend later.”

Balthazar’s smile faded, but he said, “Oh well, perhaps another time.”

Cas nodded and continued to unpack.

An hour and a half later, Cas was finishing up when his phone chimed that he had a text. He opened the phone and smiled to see it was from Dean.

**_I finally got out of that fucking bookstore! I’m headed back to my room to drop off the books. Meet me outside your dorm in 30?_ **

Cas couldn’t help the warm feeling he got in his chest. He texted back a thumbs up emoji.

Twenty minutes later he was standing outside his dorm, pacing nervously. He didn’t really know Dean anymore. He wanted to, but he realized just how much they’d grown apart in the past four years.

Then Dean was walking up to him. He walked up close and pulled Cas into a stiff hug, patting his back a couple of times. They broke apart self-consciously. Dean rubbed the back of his neck.

“So!” Cas smiled. “The Roadhouse still has the best burgers in town. Interested?”

Dean nodded enthusiastically. “Sounds good. Let’s go.”

The Roadhouse was in walking distance, so they set off. There was some awkward silence, but then Cas asked about Dean’s major, and Dean told him it was electrical engineering and that got them talking.

Dean chuckled when Cas told him he was a literature major.

“Doesn’t surprise me a bit. You always were a bookworm.”

When they got to the bar, Dean held the door open for Cas and they found a booth. When Jo walked up to the table with a couple of menus, she stopped and her face broke into a huge smile.

“Dean Winchester! What the hell are you doing here?”

Dean grinned. “Enrolled at the college. How have you been, Jo?”

They chatted for a minute, then Cas told her they didn’t need menus. 

“We’ll just have 2 of the specials.”

Jo walked into the kitchen and just moments later, Ellen came out. She walked up to the table and slapped Dean on the back of the head.

“Ow! What the hell was that for?” Dean rubbed the back of his head.

Ellen frowned. “You don’t write, you don’t call… I told you to keep in touch, boy.”

Cas laughed. Dean mumbled something about being sorry.

“That’s better. How are you? How’s your brother?”

“I’m fine and Sammy’s great.”

They chatted for a few, then Ellen had to get back in the kitchen. 

Dean looked at Cas. “You enjoyed that way too much.”

“I did, I admit it. Every time I come in here they ask about you.”

They chatted easily from then on, telling stories from high school. Cas was feeling more at ease.

They ate, said goodbye to Ellen and walked out. It was dark. They stood there, looking at each other. Then Cas broke the eye contact and looked towards the college.

“I should probably get back. I’m still not completely unpacked.”

Dean nodded and they headed back. When they got to Cas’ dorm, they stopped. Cas looked at his hands and Dean looked at Cas. The silence was deafening.

Finally Cas turned and looked towards the front door.

“Well, I better go in. Thanks, I really enjoyed this.”

Dean smiled. “I did too. We need to get together at least once a week, you know?”

Cas nodded. “I’d like that. I’ll text you.”

Dean nodded too. “Well, good night Cas.”

“Good night Dean.”

He turned and walked into the dorm. When he got to his room, Balthazar was laying on top of his bed reading. He put his book down and smiled at Cas.

“Did you enjoy catching up with your friend?”

Cas at on his bed. “Yeah, I did. It was kind of awkward, to be honest.”

Balthazar sat up. “Oh? How so?”

Cas was sorry he’d said anything. He didn’t even know this guy and he sure didn’t want to open up to him before he did.

“Oh nothing, it’s just been a few years is all.”

Balthazar smiled. “I know how that can be.”

Cas got his shower things and stood up. “I’m going to take a shower and turn in. It’s been a long day.”

When he got out of the shower and walked into the room again, his phone indicated there was a text.

**_It was really good to see you again Cas. I missed you._ **

Cas smiled. He sent back a smiling emoji and said, ‘Me too’.

He didn’t sleep very well that night. Strange room, strange bed and Balthazar snored. He laid on his back, thinking about Dean. 

Dean had grown up to be incredibly handsome. That was the first thing he’d noticed when Dean came up to him in the bookstore. But they weren’t best friends anymore, truth was, they hardly knew each other. 

He’d never written to Dean to tell him he’d come out as gay in his junior year. He tried, but everything he wrote just seemed too blunt or too apologetic, and he’d ripped them up. He wondered what Dean would think of him when he found out. He hoped, no, he prayed that Dean would accept him. He still needed Dean’s friendship. 

He turned over and tried to ignore Balthazar’s snoring. He’d have to talk to the guy in the morning, maybe he could get some nose strips or something. Cas couldn’t take it all night every night.

He felt tired and grumpy when he woke up. It was Saturday, and classes started on Monday. He had a conversation with Balthazar about his snoring and he was way too terse about it. Balthazar promised to get something to help.

He went down to get some coffee and sat in the common room, drinking it. It helped a little.

Then his phone chimed and when he opened it, there was a text from Dean.

**_Morning! Wondering if you’re still as grumpy as you used to be in the mornings? Haha Anyway, want to get together for lunch?_ **

Cas was forced to smile in spite of himself. He texted back.

**_Haha yourself, asshole. Does that answer your question? And I’d like to have lunch. Where and when?_ **

He waited for a few minutes, then got a text back from Dean.

**_Yikes! I guess you’re still an angry sleeper then. Good to know. Anyway, how about Fred’s at noon?_ **

Fred’s was a local mom and pop diner, Cas texted back a thumbs up emoji.


	3. Chapter 3

Dean had been really excited about going to college in his hometown. He’d never felt like Salina had been his home. He hated moving, for a lot of reasons but primarily, he hated leaving Cas.

He stood in the line in the bookstore, fidgeting from foot to foot. The line was so long it was bound to take hours. He looked ahead, and saw a dark haired guy standing in the line, and his heart pounded. It looked like it could be Cas. He turned and asked the girl in line behind him to save his place. When she nodded, he walked up to the guy, excited and a little scared.

He walked up to the guy and said, “Cas?”

When Cas turned around, it took his breath away.  _ Damn he was hot _

They chatted for a few minutes and agreed to meet up later. When Dean returned to his place in line and thanked the girl for saving his place, he wiped his sweaty palms on his jeans.

Dean took his books to his dorm and found his room. He was unpacking when his new roommate walked in and introduced himself as Benny. The dude was as tall as Dean and really buff. He was a wrestler and majoring in sports communication. Dean liked him.

He and Cas met for dinner and Dean felt incredibly awkward in the beginning. He tried a hug but they were both stiff. Of course they warmed up quickly. Still, at the end of the evening, Dean knew he was staring at Cas’ lips for way too long, and he figured that was why Cas had said he needed to go. Dean could have kicked himself.

Dean laid in bed thinking. He thought he and Benny could be good friends, he liked the classes he’d chosen. But the big thing on his mind was Cas. Dean wondered if they could ever be as close as they were when Dean had moved away. Dean had adjusted, made friends and even dated a couple of girls, but there was a hole in his life that only Cas could fill. 

He never told a soul when he’d begun to question his sexuality in his senior year. He still liked girls, but he was beginning to look at guys too. He’d looked it up online and figured out he was probably bisexual. But he kept that closely guarded. 

When Cas agreed to meet for lunch when he’d texted him, he knew he was grinning like an idiot. Benny gave him an amused look. He took his time getting ready, definitely not telling himself he wanted to look good for Cas.

He walked into Fred’s and looked around for Cas. Cas was sitting in a booth near the back. He walked to it with a smile.

“Hey, Cas!”

Cas smiled at him and he felt his heart begin to pound. He sat down and took a drink of the coffee that Cas had ordered for him.

They talked about their roommates and Dean got a laugh out of Cas’ description of Balthazar and his snoring.

They sat silently for a few moments, then Dean thanked Cas for the coffee. Cas smiled, and then the waitress came up.

Dean ordered pecan pie and Cas ordered a salad.

“Still eating pie instead of real food, I see,’ Cas smirked.

Dean looked wounded. “Pie  _ is _ real food! It’s got bread and fruit and…”

Cas finished the thought. “Sugar. It has lots of sugar. And just so you know, pie crust is not bread.”

Dean laughed and flipped him off. It was as if the tension that Dean had been feeling had just magically disappeared.

Cas asked about Dean’s family.

“Sammy is great. He’s graduating almost at the top of his class. He applied to Stanford! Can you believe it?”

Cas nodded. “I can. He always was very smart.”

Dean sighed. “And the old man never changes, he just gets older. So how are your brothers doing?”

Cas sighed. “About like you’d expect. Gabriel still exists on the verge of getting kicked out, Michael and Raphael still have sticks up their asses.” 

Dean laughed. “So, nothing changed in the past four years.”

Cas nodded. “Not a thing.”

Just then Dean’s phone rang. He fished it out of his pocket and it was Benny.

“Hey, Benny, what’s up?”

Cas sat eating his salad while Dean listened.

“That’s great! Thanks man.:

Dean put his phone down. “My roomie says there’s a freshman mixer tonight. Wanna go with me?”

Cas hesitated. 

“Aw, come on, Cas. It’ll be fun and we can meet some new people. Please?’

Cas couldn’t resist Dean’s puppy eyes. “Fine, Dean, I’ll go with you.”

Dean’s face broke into a huge smile. “Yay!”

Cas smirked. 

They spent the rest of the meal talking about classes… which ones they were looking forward to and which ones they were dreading. .When they were done and standing outside, Dean told Cas he’d come by and pick him up so they could go to the mixer together.

“Nine sound good?”

Cas smiled. “Sounds good. Have a good afternoon.”

“You too, Cas.”

Dean walked back to his dorm feeling pretty good. He felt like he and Cas were making good progress towards being good friends again. He knew he really wanted that.

When he got back to his room. Benny was kicked back on his bed reading.

“Hey brotha, have a good time?”

Dean smiled. “I did, thanks.”

Benny put down his book. “Seems like this guy is important to you.”

Dean sat down and thought about what to say.

“He is. We were best friends for six years and then I had to move and we sort of lost touch.”

Benny smiled at him. “I’m looking forward to meeting him tonight.”

Dean nodded. “Yeah, I want you to. I’m hoping we can all be friends.”

Benny went back to his book. “Sounds good to me, cher.”

Dean spent the afternoon making sure everything was ready for class on Monday. If everything went like he thought it would, he wouldn’t feel much like it tomorrow. He was expecting to have a hangover. 


	4. Chapter 4

Cas spent the afternoon organizing everything. He liked things neat and in their place. Balthazar chuckled at him as he alphabetized his books. 

He’d told Cas that he got nose strips so hopefully the snoring problem was solved. Cas thanked him.

“So, will you be attending the freshman mixer this evening?”

Cas nodded. “I am. Dean asked me to go with him.”

Balthazar looked at Cas intently. “You’re quite close with Dean, aren’t you?”

Cas stopped what he was doing and looked thoughtful.

“Well, we were best friends since the second grade. That’s when Dean defended me against a bully. But we really grew apart when his family moved before high school. I think we’re getting to be close again, but I also think it’s going to take time.”

Balthazar listened with a smile. “That’s all very heartwarming.”

Cas grinned at him and went back to his books.

Later, Balthazar had left for the mixer and Cas was just finishing getting ready when Dean knocked on the door. He opened it with a smile.

Dean walked in and looked him up and down. “Uh, you’re wearing that?”

Cas looked down at himself. He was wearing jeans, with a button up shirt and an argyle sweater vest. 

“What’s wrong with what I’m wearing?”

Dean chuckled. “Nothing if you’re going to a job interview as a librarian. Lose the sweater.”

Cas sighed but pulled it off. 

Dean looked carefully at him. “Okay, now at least unbutton a few buttons.”

Cas squinted at him as he began to unbutton his shirt.

Dean nodded. “That’s enough, unless you have some gold chains lying around.”

Cas looked confused. “Gold chains? No I don’t have any…”

Dean laughed. “Forget it. Come on, let’s go.”

They walked to the frat house that was hosting the mixer. When they got there, Cas stopped on the sidewalk, looking at the crowd out front, hearing the loud music and froze.

He turned and looked at Dean with a panicked expression.

“Dean, I don’t think…”

Dean grabbed his hand, “Come on, Cas. You’re going in with me and that’s that.”

Cas frowned but let Dean drag him inside. He looked around at all the people and sighed. Dean walked him to the kitchen and got both of them a beer. Dean looked around and saw Benny standing in a corner talking to someone.

“Come on, Cas. There’s my roommate, I want you to meet him.”

Cas followed Dean to where Benny was standing. When Benny saw them he grinned.

“Hey there, Dean! Glad you made it, brotha! And who might this be?”

Dean put a hand on Cas’ shoulder. “Benny, this is Cas. Cas, Benny.”

Cas put out his hand for a shake, and was totally shocked when the very large man hugged him tight. He put his hands on Benny’s back and patted a couple of times.

Benny released him and clapped Dean on the back. 

The way Benny looked at Dean made Cas feel a twinge of jealousy. 

Dean smiled, and told Benny they were going to go mingle. Cas felt like he’d rather stay in the corner, but of course, he went with Dean.

When Cas looked around, he saw Balthazar. He was whispering in a guy’s ear, and then the guy laughed.

It passed through Cas’ head that the scene looked terribly intimate, but the thought left as quickly as it came.

“There’s my roommate. Let me introduce you.”

Dean and Cas walked up to the couple. Balthazar noticed them.

“Cassie! I’m so happy you made it! And who is this delicious boy?”

Cas blushed and looked at Dean, who had a confused look on his face.

“Uh, Balthazar, this is Dean. Dean, this is my roommate.”

Balthazar looked Dean up and down.

“Cassie, you did not tell me how handsome Dean is!”

Cas frowned. He felt a real twinge of jealousy rear its ugly head this time.

“Balthazar, don’t call me that.”

Balthazar looked wounded. “You don’t like ‘Cassie’? Oh dear, well, fine, if you insist.”

“I do insist.” He pulled Dean away.

Dean looked at Cas with a frown. “That’s your roommate? He’s a real douche.”

Cas nodded. “He is turning out to be, that’s for sure.”

Dean said quietly, “So, he’s gay?”

“It would appear so. We never discussed sexual orientation.”

Dean looked at Cas with a frown. “Does… does that matter to you?”

Cas turned to Dean, shocked. “Of course not! I am utterly indifferent to anyone’s sexual orientation. Why, does it bother you?”

“No! Not a bit, I mean, I was just wondering.”

Cas shook his head. “Well now you know.”

They mingled. Cas limited himself to two beers, but Dean got pretty buzzed. They met some nice people, some of whom Cas felt could be friends. He especially liked the little lesbian redhead who called herself Charlie, and an incredibly smart and funny guy sporting a mullet, who called himself Ash. When Dean had made a comment about his hair, he flipped it and replied, “Yep! All business up front, party in the back.”

Cas determined that Dean had had enough to drink and ushered him out of the frat. Dean was laughing and leaning heavily on Cas all the way back to his dorm.

When they got to the dorm, Dean turned to Cas and put his palm against Cas’ chest.

“Don’t ever change, buddy. Promise me.”

Cas perked an eyebrow. “Okay, Dean, I promise I’ll never change.”

Dean seemed satisfied. “I can make it in on my own. Thanks for going with me.”

Cas smiled. “Of course, Dean, I had more fun that I thought I would.”

He walked slowly back to his dorm, thinking about the evening. He could still feel the heat on his chest where Dean had put his hand. He wished, not for the first time, that things could be different between Dean and him. He thought about Balthazar, being so open about being gay. He wished he could be that way, but it just wasn’t him. He thought about Benny. Benny was handsome and he felt terrible about the jealousy he’d felt when he watched Dean and Benny together.

Balthazar wasn’t there when he got in his room, and he wasn’t surprised.He’d be surprised if he came back to the room at all that night. He stripped to his boxers and got into bed.

He laid awake a long time before sleep came.


	5. Chapter 5

Classes started and Cas was busier than he had ever been in his life. He took copious notes and read ahead in every class, wanting to do well. He hardly had time to eat, let alone spend any time with friends.

He and Dean texted back and forth, but it had been three weeks and they hadn’t seen each other. Dean kept inviting Cas to eat with him or to just hang out, but Cas said he was too busy every time.

It was about eleven o’clock and Cas was going over his notes from his  British Literature to  1798 class. He was wearing sleep pants and a T shirt, not really seeing any reason to get dressed yet. There was a knock on the door. Balthazar wasn’t there, so Cas went and opened it.

Dean was leaning against the door frame.

“Dean? What are you doing here?”

Dean grinned and walked in. Cas shut the door behind him.

“I’ve come to save you from becoming a shut in, Cas.”

Cas frowned. “Dean, I have work to…”

Dean cut him off. “All work and no play makes Cas a grumpy, grumpy boy. I’m not taking no for an answer, here. Get dressed, we’re going out.”

Cas stared at Dean for a few moments, but he could see it was pointless to argue. He grabbed some clothes and went into the bathroom to change. He grumbled to himself while he dressed. 

“I can hear you, you know.”

Cas came out of the bathroom. “I’m  _ sooo _ sorry! Maybe you should just leave my snarky ass here.”

Dean grinned. “Shut your mouth and come on.”

Cas followed Dean out of the dorm and onto the sidewalk. 

“Where are we going?”

“Well, first we’re going to get something to eat. Because I know you and you don’t eat when you get busy. Then we’re gonna have some fun.”

Cas sighed heavily. “Fine, but I don’t have all day.”

Dean laughed. “Oh yes, you do. Just relax, grumpy, and go with it.”

Cas managed a smile. “Okay, asshole, let’s go.”

When the plate full of scrambled eggs and bacon was sat in front of him, Cas realized just how hungry he really was. He ate everything and sat back with a sigh. Dean watched him.

“Jesus, Cas, when did you eat last?”

Cas had to think. He vaguely remembered having dinner the day before yesterday. He looked sheepishly at Dean. “It’s been awhile.”

“Goddamnit, Cas! You need to take better care of yourself! Nothing you do is gonna matter if you land in the hospital.”

Cas looked down. “I know. I’ll try, Dean, I promise.”

Dean looked annoyed. “I’m gonna hold you to that.”

Cas looked at Dean with his best puppy dog eyes. “Yes, mom.”

Dean laughed. He threw money down on the table, and stood up.

“Come on, idiot.”

They walked out of the restaurant and Dean headed back towards the college. 

“Where are we going?”

Dean grinned. “That’s for me to know and you to find out.”

Cas sighed. “Fine, be that way.”

They walked past the college, down to the next corner, where Dean turned. He walked to a small house.

“Where are we?”

Dean grinned. “This is where Charlie lives with her girlfriend. A fact that you’d already know if you ever came out of your room.”

Cas nodded. They walked to the door and Dean knocked. The door opened and Charlie squealed.

“Oh my god, you actually got him here!”

Dean grinned as Charlie hugged Cas. They walked inside, Benny and a woman Cas didn’t know sat in the living room. Charlie introduced him to Glenda, her girlfriend.

Cas sat on the couch next to a smiling Benny. Dean sat on the other side of Cas.

“Hey, cher, I wasn’t sure you were still alive.”

Cas looked sheepish. “Yeah, sorry, I got kind of caught up in my classes.”

“Dean’s been losing his friggin mind over you.”

Cas blushed. He turned to Dean.

“I’m sorry, Dean, I really am.”

Dean put a hand on Cas’ leg. “I forgive you, but that shit ends today.”

Cas nodded. He was feeling really bad about worrying Dean.

They sat and BSed about classes and teachers while Cas sat and listened. He didn’t feel like he had much to say that would interest anyone. Cas laughed along with them, and Dean tried his best to include him. 

Added to Cas’ general social anxiety was the way Benny touched Dean from time to time. Dean had his arm across the back of the couch and Benny would touch Dean’s hand or pat his arm. Cas felt so jealous, it made his stomach hurt. He tried to ignore it, knowing that Dean was straight and it meant nothing, but it bothered him. A lot.

The subject turned to computers and Cas mentioned a problem he was having with his laptop. Ash told him he could fix it, no problem. They made arrangements for Ash to come by Cas’ room the next day.

It was almost dinner time, and they decided to chip in and get pizza. Cas decided that today was a lost cause so he might as well relax and enjoy himself as much as he could. 

After pizza, everyone decided they wanted to go to a bar. Cas really didn’t want to, but Dean looked at him with those puppy dog eyes and he heard himself say okay.

They walked to the bar, which was near the college. They got a pitcher of beer. Apparently, the bar was used to college kids drinking and didn’t ask any of them for their IDs. Cas had a glass of beer and watched Dean, Ash and Benny play pool. He talked to Charlie about the latest Marvel movie, and found he was actually enjoying himself.

Dean, Ash and Benny got pretty lit. They were having a ball, giving each other a hard time whenever one of them missed a shot. Benny bumped Dean a few times with his shoulder. 

Then, Benny said something to Dean, and walked to the bathroom. After a couple of minutes, Dean went to the bathroom too. Cas saw the whole thing.

He waited for what seemed like a long time, but they didn’t come back. He started to worry that maybe Dean got sick or something, so he went to check on them.


	6. Chapter 6

Cas walked into the bathroom.

“Dean, are you…”

He froze. Dean was standing against the wall, and Benny was on his knees in front of Dean. Dean was moaning. Benny obviously had Dean’s cock in his mouth.

Dean’s eyes opened and he saw Cas. He pushed Benny and said, “Cas?”

Cas turned and ran out of the bathroom. He could hear Dean calling him, but he kept running. Out of the bar, down the street and until he had to stop and catch his breath. He was surprised to discover he was crying. He started walking fast, and never stopped or looked back until he was in his room.

He threw himself down on the bed and sobbed. He was thankful that Balthazar wasn’t here to see him. He sobbed until there was a knock on his door.

Dean said, “Cas? Cas, I’m sorry. Please open the door.”

Cas sat up and wiped his nose on his sleeve.

“Go away, Dean. I don’t want to talk to you.”

“Cas, please. Let me explain. Please let me in!”

Cas yelled, “I said go away! I don’t want to talk to you! Just leave, Dean.”

There was just silence after that.

Cas walked, sniffling, to the bathroom and splashed cold water on his face. He looked at himself in the mirror. Sighing, he went back and threw himself on the bed.

He was very confused. Was Dean gay? Maybe he was bi, or maybe he just was drunk and didn’t care who was sucking his dick. All Cas knew was that it hurt. It hurt so bad he felt like he could die. He knew he was being melodramatic, but he didn’t care. 

He’d had a crushed on Dean for as long as he could remember. When he jacked off, it was Dean’s face he saw. If Dean really was gay or bi, Cas knew he’s missed any opportunity he ever had with Dean. 

Dean was with Benny now.

Cas laid on the bed, fully clothed, and just turned his face to the wall. His mind was going in circles and he felt like he was losing his mind. At some point, Balthazar came back, and Cas could feel him standing over him, but neither of them spoke and Balthazar went to bed.

Night turned into day, and Cas hadn’t moved. He hadn’t slept at all. He could hear Balthazar moving around, and then Balthazar spoke to him.

“Cassie, what’s wrong? There is clearly something wrong, and you can talk to me.”

Cas turned over with a deep sigh. “I’m not sure I want to talk about it.”

Balthazar looked worried. “Hey, I’m your friend, at least I think I am. Talk to me, it might help.”

Cas sat up with a groan. He felt terrible and everything hurt.

“Last night… We went to a bar. I saw…”

Balthazar waited for him to continue.

“I saw Benny giving Dean a blow job in the bathroom, okay?! I ran out. I cried. Dean knocked on the door and I told him to go away. That’s what happened.”

Balthazar winced. “I’m sorry, Cas. I know you cared for him.”

Cas tilted his head. “How did you know that?”

Balthazar smiled. “I think anyone who saw the two of you together could tell. Just the way you looked at him.”

Cas sighed again. “Why didn’t he ever tell me if he was bisexual?”

Balthazar looked at him seriously. “Why didn’t you ever tell him you were gay? Honestly, Cassie, if you two idiots ever drug your sorry asses out of the closet and actually talked to one another, none of this would have ever happened.”

Cas knew Balthazar was right. He hadn’t been honest with Dean, how could he hold it against Dean for not being honest?

“Fuck.”

Balthazar chuckled. “Yes, indeed, fuck.”

Cas checked his phone. There were three voicemails from Dean. The first two were Dean begging Cas to let him explain. But the last one was angry.

_ Goddamnit Cas, you told me you didn’t care about people’s sexual orientation, and now you’re shutting me out because I’m bi? Just because you’re straight doesn’t give you the right to judge me. Get your head out of your ass for once. _

Cas was stunned. Dean thought he was straight and that he was judging Dean for being bi? He couldn’t have fucked this up more if he’d set out to. He threw himself back on the bed and turned to the wall again. He felt like his entire world was imploding.

Cas didn’t move for the rest of the day, only getting the occasional drink of water and pissing. When Balthazar came back from dinner, he had a sandwich and some chips with him.

“Cas, you’ve got to eat.”

Cas shook his head. “Not hungry, but thanks.”

Balthazar sighed. “I’ll just leave it here on the desk if you change your mind.”

A few hours later, Cas hauled his pain wracked body up and changed out of the clothes he’d been wearing for almost twenty four hours and got into his sleep pants and a T shirt. He got back in bed and fell asleep.

When his alarm went off in the morning, he turned it off with a groan and turned over. Balthazar asked if he was going to classes and he just gave a terse “No.” as an answer.

Balthazar threw the stale sandwich in the garbage and left.

Cas wanted to just sleep, but his mind wouldn’t let him. He admitted to himself that he’d fucked up badly, and he couldn’t see any way to fix things. Dean was hurt and angry at him, and he had every reason to be. All Cas could see was the end of his friendship with the only man he’d ever loved. And he knew now that he was in love with Dean and had been for many years. 

How could he have been such a fool? Why didn’t he come out to Dean when he had the chance? Why hadn’t he let Dean in when he was begging to talk? 

He was just a fool. A fool and a loser. 


	7. Chapter 7

Dean had squeezed his eyes shut when Benny sucked down his cock, but when he heard Cas’ voice they flew open to see the look on Cas’ face. He shoved Benny off of him, pushed his still erect dick back in his pants and ran after Cas. When he got out of the bathroom, Cas was nowhere to be seen. Charlie told him that Cas had run out.

He ran as fast as he could, given how drunk he was, but Cas’ dorm room door was shut when he got there. He knocked and begged but Cas just told him to go away.

He’d drug himself to his room. Benny wasn’t back yet, so he just stripped to his boxers and went to bed.

He felt awful. He always intended to tell Cas he was bi, but somehow the time never seemed right. Well, Cas knew now, that was for sure. He sat up and grabbed his phone. Of course Cas didn’t answer, so he left a voicemail asking Cas to let him explain. 

He couldn’t sleep. He heard Benny come in. Benny asked him if he was okay but he just grunted. He really didn’t feel like talking at all right now, and especially not to Benny.

Benny had come on to him from jump. He was openly bi and when Dean admitted he was too, Benny made it his personal goal in life to get Dean into bed. Dean had resisted, at least until tonight.

He got drunk, and when Benny suggested a blow job in the bathroom, it sounded good to Dean. He knew it was a mistake, but his booze addled brain had been short circuited by his dick. 

He thought about Cas, and he just wanted Cas to let him explain. Cas may be straight but he’d told Dean he didn’t care anything about anyone’s sexual orientation. Why was Cas so mad at him? It didn’t make any sense.

He got up and took his phone into the bathroom. He called Cas again and again, asked to be given a chance to talk. 

He went back to bed and finally slept a little. When he woke up he felt like death warmed over. His head was killing him, he still felt a little drunk, and he was mad. Where did Cas get off, treating him like this? He left an angry message and took a couple of aspirin and went back to bed.

Sometime later, Benny asked him if he wanted to get something to eat, and his stomach roiled.

“Not ready for food yet.”

Benny sat on his bed. “Want to talk about it, cher?”

Dean groaned. “Not ready for that either.”

Benny stood up. “Suit yourself. I’m gonna go eat.”

After Benny left, Dean sat up on the edge of his bed with his head in his hands. If he was being totally honest with himself, he didn’t want Benny. He wasn’t interested in any ‘friends with benefits’ deal. What he really wanted was Cas.

He wished Cas wasn’t straight. He wished they could be together. But that wasn’t going to happen. Not now, not ever. He knew he needed to forget that and move on, but he wasn’t ready yet. He was hurt and angry. He didn’t know  _ how  _ to get past this. 

When Benny came back, Dean told him they needed to talk. Benny raised one eyebrow and sat on his bed.

“Look, Benny. What happened last night was a mistake. I like you, but I… I just… look, you’re hot as hell but I just don’t want anything more. I’m not the sleep-around kind of guy, ya know? I’m sorry I ever let it get started, I was just drunk.”

Benny sighed. “I understand. But I know what you really want, brotha.”

Dean looked up. “What do I really want?”

Benny smiled a little. “You want Cas.”

“The fuck gave you that idea?”

Benny chuckled. “Come on, cher. The way you look at him when you think he isn’t looking? A man would have to be blind to not see it.”

Dean frowned. “Shut your mouth. I am not interested in Cas.”

Benny laughed outright. “You just keep telling yourself that, maybe it’ll help.”

“Besides, Cas is straight.”

Benny looked at him with an unreadable look and got up and opened his laptop.

Dean sighed loudly and laid back down. So what if Benny knew he had it bad for Cas. It was pointless anyway.

Dean didn’t get up the rest of the day, but when Benny brought him back a burger from dinner, he sat up and ate it.

“Thanks man.”

Benny shook his head. “Can’t have you fainting like a schoolgirl the next time you get up.”

Dean attempted a weak smile.

The next morning, Dean informed Benny he was not going to class. Thankfully, Benny didn’t try to talk him out of it. He got up and tried to study but his mind wouldn’t cooperate. It just kept flashing back to the look on Cas’ face when he’d caught Dean and Benny in that bathroom. 

He knew he’d do anything to take back that stupid decision. He missed Cas already.

Why hadn’t he come clean with Cas? He was torturing himself and he knew it, but he couldn’t stop. He lost the best friend he’d ever had. Ever would have, probably. Benny and Charlie were the only gay people he knew here, and they just weren’t any help. Benny sure wasn’t any help and he was pretty sure Charlie would be on Cas’ side in this. She was always close with Cas, and she’d looked pretty damned upset when he asked her where Cas went and she told him Cas had run out. She probably knew exactly what happened. And she’d tell him what an idiot he was. He didn’t need anyone to tell him that, he already knew.

He suddenly got an idea. He opened up the college website and clicked on the link to clubs. Sure enough, there was an LGBTQA club. They met every Wednesday night in the student center. Dean made the decision to go. It couldn’t hurt and it might help. At least he’d be among understanding people.

Feeling marginally better, he opened a book and tried to read.


	8. Chapter 8

Cas hadn’t gone to a single class in two days. He at least ate a sandwich that Balthazar basically insisted he eat, and had some tea. He was still in his sleep pants and was just laying on his bed when there was a knock on the door.

“Who is it?”

A very agitated Charlie yelled for him to open the door or she’d kick it down. Sighing, Cas opened it and let her in.

“Cas, what the fuck is going on with you?”

Cas went and sat on his bed. “I’m not feeling well, Charlie, that’s all.”   
Charlie pulled a chair to face him.

“Like I believe that. You look like shit, you smell even worse and you are  _ not  _ sick! This is about Dean and whatever happened in that bathroom, isn’t it.”

Cas sighed. “Yeah, it is, and I don’t want to talk about it.”

Charlie sighed as well. “I can’t make you, but you’re going to flunk out if you can’t get your shit together about this. And I have an idea that will help.”

Cas looked at her.

Charlie continued. “There’s an LGBTQA club on campus. And you’re going with me to a meeting tomorrow night. You need to meet some of our peeps and get out of this funk. And I won’t take no for an answer. You’re going if I have to drag you in your jammies.”

Cas knew it was pointless to argue with her. When she made her mind up about something, nothing short of an apocalypse could stop her. And maybe it would do him some good. 

“Okay, Charlie, I’ll go with you. What time?”

Charlie smiled. “I’ll pick you up at seven thirty. And you better have clothes on.”

“Fine, I’ll be dressed and ready.”

Charlie got up and hugged him. “Thanks, Cas. I care about you, I hope you know that.”

Cas tried a smile. “I know, Charlie and I’m grateful.”

Charlie left and Cas went back to sit on his bed. To be completely honest, he knew he was fucking up by not going to classes. He just couldn’t find the strength to get out of the room. He hadn’t been eating, he hadn’t been sleeping well. He was exhausted. But he also knew that he had to go with Charlie tomorrow. There was no way out of it.

He drug himself into the shower and shaved. He tried to tame his hair but it always did have a mind of its own. He put on clothes, but when he thought about going out, his stomach started to hurt, so he just grabbed a book and laid down to read,

When Baltazar went to get dinner, Cas asked him to bring something back. Balthazar grinned.

“I’m glad you decided to live, Cas. You were scaring me.”

Cas just grunted, not entirely sure he  _ had _ decided to live yet.

He picked at the dinner Balthazar brought back, but managed to eat half of it.

He actually went to a class the next morning, but he had to go back to his room after it. He felt too sad to face people. He sat on his bed and tried to get mentally ready for the club he was going to with Charlie in just a few hours. Thankfully, Balthazar was gone for the day.

He was startled by the knock on his door. He looked at the clock and hours had gone by. 

He grabbed his jacket and opened the door.

“Let’s get this over with.”

Charlie frowned. “Gee what a great attitude! This is going to be  _ soooo _ much fun. Come on, grumpy.”

Cas followed with a sigh.

He was surprised that there were so many students in the room. Charlie greeted some of them, but didn’t try to introduce Cas to any of them. Cas was very grateful for that. She drug him to the front and they sat down.

Dean was running late, and when he got there, most of the chairs were taken. He grabbed one near the back. He’d forced himself to come, but he knew he needed to get out of the funk he’d been in, and this seemed like a good way to meet other students like him.

A woman who seemed to be leading the group welcomed everyone, then said she saw a few new faces, and asked them to raise their hands. Dean held his hand up, and saw two others.

A woman stood up and said her name was Eileen and that she was a lesbian, just looking to make some new friends.

When a guy stood up, he looked so much like Cas from behind that Dean felt his breath hitch.

Cas took a deep breath and stood up.

“Uh… my name is Cas.

Dean got a head rush that was so bad, he felt like he’d pass out. Cas? What the fuck was he going here?

“I’m gay, and I’ve never admitted that outloud to anyone before. I guess this is me, coming out.”

Dean knew he was going to pass out now.

“I recently lost the best friend I’ll ever have because I wasn’t honest with him. I should have told him I was gay, maybe even that I… I’m in love with him. But I didn’t, and now it’s too late.”

There were many “Awwws” heard around him. He sat down, blushing.

Dean stood up, shaking and unsteady. “My name is Dean.” 

Cas’ head turned to look at him and he looked shocked.

“I’m bisexual, and I haven’t come out of the closet...well, I guess I kind of just did.”

There were twitters of laughter.

“I wasn’t honest with my best friend and I hurt him really badly recently. I’d do just about anything to go back and change what I did, but I can’t. I guess I’ll just have to hope he forgives me eventually. I… care about him more than he knows.”

A single tear rolled down his cheek as he looked at Cas. He sat down, oblivious to the nice comments people around him were saying.

The meeting seemed to drag on endlessly, but at last, it was over. Dean stood up and walked towards Cas, so grateful that Cas was also walking towards him.

They stood in front of each other, and both began to speak at the same time.

“Cas, I’m sorry…”

“Dean, I’m sorry…”

Charlie stood a little apart and squealed.   
  



	9. Chapter 9

Dean chuckled and Cas just stood there with his mouth open. Dean noticed how wet Cas’ eyes were, and he figured his were the same.

“Look, Cas, what happened was a mistake. I was drunk. Benny is just a friend…”

Cas held his hand up. “Stop, please, I overreacted. I should have let you explain.”

“So, where do we go from here?”

Cas managed a smile. “I don’t know about you, but I could eat.”

Dean smiled. “I can always eat. Where?”

Cas looked thoughtful for a moment, then, “The Roadhouse?”

“Sounds good to me. Let’s go.”

Cas turned to Charlie, who was grinning from ear to ear. “Go! Get out of here.”

They walked along, not speaking. Dean bumped his shoulder into Cas, and when Cas looked at him, Dean smiled. Cas smiled back and then took Dean’s hand. After a brief moment, Dean interlaced their fingers together.

They chose a booth in the back. They each ordered a bacon cheeseburger and fries. 

“Cas, why didn’t you ever tell me you were gay?”

Cas fidgeted with his water glass.

“I was scared. I always thought you were straight, and I was afraid if you found out, you’d be disgusted.”

Dean took Cas’ hand away from the glass and held it.

“Cas, there is nothing you could ever do or say that would disgust me.”

Cas looked at Dean. “Why didn’t you tell me you were bi?”

Dean looked embarrassed. “I guess… I guess I thought the same thing.”

Cas squeezed Dean’s hand. “And I would have said the same thing you just said to me about it.”

Dean sighed. “I guess we’re just a couple of dumbasses.”

Cas smiled. “I’d like to think less dumb, less ass, but I guess I have to agree with you.”

Their food arrived and they stopped talking to eat. But then Dean put down his burger and looked at Cas. 

“So where do we go from here?”

Cas looked thoughtful for a minute.

“I think I’d like to take you on a date. Will you have dinner with me?”

Dean smiled brightly. “I’d love to have dinner with you! When?”

Cas smiled back at him. 

“I’m thinking we both need to catch up with the classes we missed. How about Friday?”

Dean reached out again and touched Cas’ hand.

“Friday is perfect.”

They managed to find things to chat about, still feeling awkward but it was getting better. They walked back to Cas’ dorm holding hands. When they got there, they stood looking at one another.

“I’m still really sorry, Cas.”

Cas shook his head. “You’ve got nothing to apologize for, Dean. I’m the one who's really sorry for not giving you a chance to explain.”

Dean smiled. “Let’s just stop saying I’m sorry, okay?”

Cas smiled back. “Okay.”

Cas turned and walked to the front door of his dorm and turned to see Dean still standing there. Cas gave a little wave, which Dean returned, and then he went inside.

When he got to his room, Balthazar was studying.

“Hey Cassie, is everything okay?”

Cas grinned at him. “Everything is good. And stop calling me Cassie!”

Cas seriously could have kicked his own ass for missing three days of classes. He managed to borrow notes from some of his classmates, but he was swamped with work. The rest of the week passed in a blur. But then it was Friday.

Cas walked to Dean’s dorm and found his room. He knocked, and Benny answered the door. Cas stammered out that he was here for Dean.

Benny had the good grace to at least look embarrassed. He told Cas Dean would be right out, and Cas waited in the hall. He wasn’t ready to spend time with Benny under any circumstances.

He only had to wait a couple of minutes before Dean came out.

“Shit, I’m sorry, Cas. I was running a little late. I never meant for Benny to answer the door.”

Cas sighed. “It’s fine, Dean. I just don’t feel much like making nice with him yet.”

Dean nodded. “I get it. But I swear, nothing’s going on between us. I told him it was a mistake.”

Cas just took Dean’s hand and led him outside.

Cas didn’t think a burger joint was a good place for a first date, so when Dean asked where they were going, He smiled.

“A Taste Of Italy.”

Dean looked at him. “Wow. Uh, that’s a little above our usual fare, isn’t it?”

Cas grinned and nodded. “I wanted something special for our first date.”

Dean looked a little confused, but said, “I guess it is our first date.”

They walked downtown hand in hand. When they got to the restaurant, Cas held the door open for Dean. They were greeted by a hostess who sat them at a booth in a corner. A waiter appeared and Cas ordered a bottle of wine, hoping they didn’t get carded. They didn’t. 

“Cas, you really are going all out. I’m flattered.”

Cas blushed a little. “I feel like we need to start over. I just want to make this nice for you.”

Dean nodded. “I get it, but I’m fine with a burger and a beer. No more blowing your money on me, okay?”

Cas nodded. “Okay, Dean.”

Dinner was amazing. They talked about old times and laughed a lot. They both got a little buzzed by the wine. When it was time to go, Cas paid and they walked outside.

“Cas, this was perfect. Thank you so much.”

Cas smiled a little. “I’m glad you liked it Dean. Thank you for accepting.”

Dean looked at him. “How could I not? I  _ want _ us to date, Cas. I want us to get to know each other again, this time with no secrets.”

Cas felt a little choked up. “Me too, Dean.”

They held hands and walked slowly back towards the college.

When they stood outside Dean’s dorm, Dean faced him and took his other hand. They stared at each other, neither knew for how long, and Dean’s eyes flicked down to Cas’ lips and back up. Then Dean leaned down and just ghosted his lips over Cas’ and stood back up.

“Good night, Cas, I had a wonderful time. Next date’s on me.”

Cas nodded, his face feeling hot. He licked his lips, chasing the feeling of Dean’s.

“Okay, Dean. Uh text me, okay? Good night.”

Cas turned and walked away, before he could make a complete fool out of himself.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shealynn88 looked at the art that the artist mentioned in this chapter, Raphael Perez, and made this wonderful piece of art based on his work. Give her some love on Tumblr for it!

They texted a lot, just sharing day to day stuff. Dean texted Cas saying that he was taking Cas out on Saturday. All he said was to be ready at eight and to dress nicely. Cas asked him where they were going but Dean texted back it was a surprise.

Dean showed up a few minutes before eight. When Cas opened the door, he took in the sight of Dean in khakis and a button up dark green shirt. 

“You look… amazing, Dean!”

Dean smiled and looked up and down at Cas. “You do too. Come on, I’ve got a uber waiting.”

Cas couldn’t believe it. Sure enough, a car was waiting at the curb. Dean opened the door for Cas, and he slid in. Dean got in beside him and the car started up.

“Dean! What’s going on?”

Dean grinned. “Patience is a virtue, Cas. Wait and see.”

After a few minutes the driver pulled over to the curb and Dean gave him some money. They got out and Cas looked around. 

Dean took his hand and led him to an art gallery. The poster proclaimed they were having an exclusive showing of the gay art of Raphael Perez. 

Cas gasped. “Dean! You brought me to an art gallery? What got into you? You hate art.”

Dean laughed. “ I hate fancy-ass art that puts on airs to make you look stupid. I like gay art. This guy is amazing.”

They walked around, holding hands and looking at the paintings of male couples, beautiful male nudes, men making love. Cas was enthralled. 

Finally they had seen every painting and were standing on the sidewalk. Cas turned to Dean.

“That was amazing, thank you.”

Dean smiled. “I thought you’d like it.

Cas suddenly put his hands on either side of Dean’s face and pulled it down into a kiss. It started out sweet, but soon, it was hot and messy, all tongues and teeth. Cas sucked on Dean’s bottom lip and listened to him moan quietly.

When the broke apart, Cas said quietly, “God, I want you so bad.”

Dean smiled a wicked smile.

“Are you kidding me? I’ve wanted you since I saw you in that fucking bookstore the very first day.”

Cas sighed. “So, we’ve got nowhere to go to consummate this.”

Dean looked thoughtful. “Well, there’s always a motel.”

Cas grinned. “A motel! You’re a genius, Winchester. Where is the closest motel?”

Dean looked around. “I have no idea.”

Cas pulled out his phone and did a search.

“We’re in luck. There’s a motel three blocks that way.” He pointed with a finger.

Luckily, it didn’t look too bad. Dean got the room, and led Cas to it. He used the key card and opened the door.

Cas was on him as soon as the door shut. They kissed, Dean opening his mouth for Cas’ tongue. Cas began to unbutton Dean’s shirt and Dean did the same to his shirt. They didn’t quit kissing so there was some fumbling involved but finally, they were both bare chested. Cas grabbed Dean’s ass with both hands and pulled him close.

They were both hard as diamonds and when their cocks bumped together, they moaned in unison. Dean pulled away.

“Pants off, now! Let’s move this to the bed.”

Cas could not have agreed more. They frantically stripped and fell on the bed.

Cas sat back and looked at Dean, up and down, like he could eat him like a snack cake.

Dean pulled him down into another kiss, and then Cas got on his knees, straddling Dean’s hips. He leaned over and kissed Dean more. Their cocks rubbed together and Dean groaned.

Dean pushed Cas away. “How are we going to do this? I don’t have a condom or any lube!”

Cas smiled, got off the bed and walked to where his jacket was laying on the floor. He dug in a pocket and came back to bed, triumphantly displayed a small bottle of lube and a strip of condoms.

Dean’s mouth fell open. “You… you  _ planned _ this?”

Cas looked a little sheepish. “I didn’t plan on anything. I just hoped.”

Dean laughed and pulled Cas back on top of him.

Cas began to kiss down Dean’s chest, but Dean moaned out, “Jesus Cas, I can’t take foreplay. I’m dying here, just get on with it,”

Cas had intended to worship Dean’s body when he imagined this, but he recognized that they were both way too needy. He figured it could wait until next time. Dean spread his legs and Cas sat back on his heels. He pushed on Dean’s thighs and Dean raised his legs in the air.

Cas opened the bottle of lube, but paused.

“Dean, are you sure about this? I mean, I’m about to take your virginity here.”

Dean looked offended. “I am  _ not _ a virgin!”

Cas chuckled. “Oh so you’ve had a dick in your ass before?”

Dean sighed. “Well, no… but I’m damned sure I want _ your _ dick in my ass, the sooner, the better!”

Cas poured lube in his hand, and rubbed a finger around Dean’s tight hole. Dean moaned.

“Yeah, that feels amazing.”

Cas slid one finger inside. Dean’s eyes got big and he took a deep breath.

“Dean, you’ve got to relax. Nothing is going to happen unless you do.”

Dean took a few deep breaths and Cas moved his finger in and out of him. Dean groaned.

Cas slowly worked his way up to three fingers and Dean was losing his mind. He was pushing back on Cas’ fingers and making the cutest sounds, at least Cas thought they were cute.

Cas was feeling incredibly nervous. He hadn’t mentioned it to Dean, but he was a virgin as well. He didn’t want to screw this up, he needed it to be the best thing Dean had ever felt. He kept fingering Dean long after Dean was open enough.

Dean lifted his head. “Jesus, Cas, get on with it! I’m ready, I know I’m ready. Just put it in me and fuck me already!”

He pulled his fingers out and rolled on a condom, then lubed it up.

“Nothing ventured, nothing gained,” he thought and pushed the head of his cock against Dean’s slick hole. It resisted for just a moment, and then the head slid in.


	11. Chapter 11

It was the best thing Cas had ever felt in his life. Cas moaned and pushed in a little more. Dean was taking deep breaths.

“Dean, am I hurting you? Just tell me if you want me to stop.”

Dean looked at Cas. “If you stop, I will kill you with my bare hands, I swear.”

Dean wrapped his legs around Cas’ hips and dug his heels into Cas’ ass, urging him to go deeper. Cas slowly worked his way in until his balls were laying on Dean’s ass. He paused, just wanting to savor the moment. It was magnificent.

The he pulled back a little and pushed back in, listening to Dean’s moans.

“Fuck, you’re perfect, Dean! You’re so tight! I… I love you.”

Dean opened his eyes and looked at Cas. “I love you too.”

Cas began to fuck Dean slowly, but soon it wasn’t enough. He sped up.

“Oh god, Cas, yes… harder, please?”

Cas snapped his hips with each thrust into Dean. 

“Fuck, Dean, I’m so close. Are you close?”

Dean grabbed his cock and pumped it twice and came. Cas looked at the strings of cum shooting out of Dean’s dick like it was the first time he’d ever seen anyone cum.

The sight of it made Cas’ balls tighten and he fucked in and out a few more times and then he came. He came so hard he got a head rush and his sight went white for a moment. He yelled out Dean’s name. He lost any rhythm and just pushed in and out a couple more times and fell onto Dean. He knew he was spreading Dean’s cum all over both of them, but he couldn’t find a fuck to give.

Cas panted into Dean’s neck and felt Dean’s breath hot on his shoulder. When he had his breath back, he lifted his head to a grinning Dean.

“Hey there, babe.”

Cas smiled in return. “Hey yourself, Dean.”

He peeled himself off of Dean’s chest with an ‘Ugh.I’ll get a cloth.” He stood up on shaky legs and walked to the bathroom. He got a washcloth and wiped himself off then dropped it and wet another one and carried it back to Dean. Dean grabbed it and wiped off his belly and chest, then dropped it off the side of the bed. 

Cas got back into bed and pulled Dean close. Dean put his head on Cas’ shoulder and Cas wrapped his arms around him, idly moving his thumb back and forth along Dean’s chest.

“I meant what I said, Dean. I love you. I’m in love with you.”

Dean lifted his head. “I know, Cas, I meant what I said. I love you too.”

Dean laid his head back down, and soon his easy breathing told Cas he was asleep. Cas lay there in the dark and thought about how blessed he was. He had the man of his dreams, right here with him. They’d had awesome sex. Everything was all right now. He drifted off with a smile on his face.

In the morning, Cas worshiped Dean just as he had fantasized about so many times. Dean. stretched out beneath him... he kissed every freckle, ran his hands over every inch of skin. What he hadn’t imagined was how Dean wiggled and whimpered and protested so much. Cas just said, “Shhh, let me.”

When he’d sucked down Dean’s cock, he was surprised how much he loved it. He’d never had a cock in his mouth before, and he was a little intimidated. But as soon as he got his mouth on Dean’s dick, it was incredible. He loved the taste, the weight in his mouth, loved the scent of Dean. He licked the precum off the tip and it was bitter but still, Cas loved it. Dean fisted his hair and swore.

Cas sucked up and down, swirling his tongue and licking the head. Dean kept up a litany of “Fuck! Fuck, Cas! Fuuuck!” That gave Cas the idea that he was doing it right. When Dean gasped out that he was going to come, Cas didn’t pull off. 

He wasn’t prepared for the sheer volume of cum that filled his mouth. He swallowed a couple of times but still some dribbled out of his mouth. When Dean wiggled away, too sensitive, Cas let Dean’s dick drop. The cum dribbled down his chin.

When he lifted his head, Dean pulled him up into a very filthy kiss, and he licked his cum off Cas’ chin. 

“My turn.” Dean pushed Cas on his back and moved down.

Cas was so hard, it throbbed. The second Dean licked the head, Cas thought he’d blow right then, but he managed to control himself. 

Dean’s mouth was incredible. It was warm and so wet, Cas whimpered at the feeling. Dean sucked down as far as he could, and used his hand on the base. His other hand played with Cas’ balls. Cas thrashed his head and grabbed at Dean’s shoulder. 

Cas couldn’t hold off long. He said, “Dean! I’m going to…” and came. Dean sucked him dry and swallowed every drop.

Cas tried to get his breathing under control, and when Dean was next to him, he kissed Dean with everything he had.

Dean held up his index finger and rolled over to grab the phone.

“Yeah, hello? We’re going to need the room for another night. Just run it on my credit card, okay?” He listened for a moment, then said, “Thanks.” and hung up. He turned back to Cas with a big smile.

“I don’t know about you, but I’m  _ not _ ready to go back to the dorms.”

Cas smiled and kissed him.

They spent the day watching the Casa Erotica channel on the old TV, making out more than watching the porn. Most of it was het sex anyway. Cas had a pizza delivered and Dean answered the door in his boxers. Cas pulled on his pants and went to the soda machine and got some for them to drink. 

To Cas, it was the most magical day he’d ever spent.

They had sex with Dean on his hands and knees. Dean declared it was his favorite position. But later, they had sex on their sides and Dean said that was his favorite.

“You just like getting fucked.”

Dean grinned. “Can’t deny that!”

When the fell asleep, they were tangled together. They woke the same way.

Finally, Dean lifted the lid on the pizza box, which was empty..”

“I’m starving, Cas. Let’s get dressed and get some burgers.”

They did, and went back to the motel room holding hands and laughing. They fell asleep, exhausted.


	12. Chapter 12

**Epilogue**

Of course, Sunday morning arrived and they had to go back. They stood in front of Cas’ dorm kissing. Finally Cas broke away and said he had to go in, he had homework. Sighing, Dean said he did too.

They had dinner together every night, and the motel got to know them as regulars. Dean called it  _ our place _ , which tickled Cas to no end. 

The semester wore on. At the end, They arranged to have Balthazar move in with Benny and at last, they shared a room. Cas’ bed saw a lot of action after that.

Balthazar and Benny got together for a hot minute but it didn’t last.

Eventually, they graduated. They got jobs, Cas as a teacher at the local high school teaching English and Dean got a job working on high-end electric cars. They got a nice apartment.

Eventually, Cas talked Dean into getting a cat. Dean was forced to take antihistamines because it turned out he was allergic, but he couldn’t deny Cas anything and he secretly loved the little furball.

When Cas proposed, Dean was thunderstruck but said yes immediately. They were married in a small civil ceremony, and honeymooned in New York City.

It may have been a rocky road to love, but it lasted a lifetime.

  
  



End file.
